Kyle Lohshe. What the...???

Let me get this straight. I'm a pitcher. I have a 9-13 record for not one, but TWO seasons in a row. My fastball dominance and K ratio has been DECREASING over the last three years. I am a number four starter for an average team. I have youngsters chomping at the bit to take my spot in the rotation because, I, well, stink.

But I'm pretty and I've made a deal with the arbitrator devil over the last two years so I'm qualified to make FOUR MILLION DOLLARS!!!

Please, somebody, help me understand.